Returning to Work

Brian went back to work about a week and a half after Abigail was born. That was challenging for me, especially that first day. I wasn't sure I could do it all by myself. At that point, it seemed like we still needed four hands just to get her to latch and breastfeed. It is hard to reason with a less-than-two-week old baby that if you put your fists directly in front of your mouth, it is then impossible to get a nipple in there. And yelling about it, again with fists in place, does not help the situation.
But that first day went better than I thought it might plus it got easier from there, particularly once Abigail's GERD diagnosis came in and her meds kicked in (we have a whole post up on that). I knew that the time would come when I needed to go back to work as well and that time seemed very far away and just around the corner all at the same time.
Since the Earth has continued to turn, it has meant that time has passed and therefore, I am now back at work too. This week marks my first full week back in the office, getting back into the swing of the work thing.
Good Things About Being At Work:
1. Not having to secure the safety of another human being in order to go to the bathroom
2. Being able to eat pretty much when I want to
3. Thinking about things other than "she needs to poop soon or else she will be really fussy"

Bad Things About Being at Work:
1. Not being with Abigail
2. The cost of daycare
3. Not being with Abigail

Do we notice a trend here? Now, I really can't complain. I actually really like my job, I am reasonably well compensated, and I have some flexibility here. We can't telecommute, but so long as I put in my time, it doesn't really matter if I get in at 7:30 or 9:30. It's not like I have to punch a timecard or anything. And my boss has three sons of his own so he knows what it is like to be a parent. With some of the storms this past winter, he and his wife alternated who took days off to be home with the kids and talking to him on the phone while he was home sounded like something had escaped from the zoo ;) But that's what you are bound to get with three boys on their third snow day off from school....
Still, I find it tough to be away from our baby - not because I don't trust her care (she will be with my aunt or my mother-in-law until Brian's school year is over), but because I want to be there watching her, playing with her, feeding her. I don't mind pumping, but you can't beat the ease of just popping out a boob versus having to bottle that milk and haul it home.
I know that this will get easier with time, but at the moment, I miss her a lot. I made myself a "I need to be able to see my baby at work" album which is filled with pictures of her and ready to be pulled out at a moment's notice when people ask to see her. And an amazing number of people have asked - I wouldn't think there would be this many folks who cared that much about other people's kids, but so many people where I work are parents themselves that I feel like I have joined some sort of club. It is a good feeling.
I like being a mommy. And now I am back to being a "work outside the home" mommy. I have to have faith that I will continue to be able to pull off this balancing act.